No stones today!!! (I’m taking a break because it’s the weekend, I’ll be back with the stone of the day on monday)
For most of us it’s the weekend and that means we get a little break. Unfortunately I’m a mom and such things dont exist for me anymore. I do get something better now though. Endless possibilities and nothing is ever predictable. If you’re a mom, stay at home dad, nanny or grandma, you know exactly what I mean. One plus for my family is that it is a weekend to my husband, so I guess I’m kind of grandfathered in. (Yes thats totally a thing.) Its nice having extra time with him on those days, and a little extra help is always nice too.
Time, thats what I’m talking about in my LIVE Facebook video today. Time and making good use of it, but I figured I would focus more on relationships, and finding time for them in the crazy world of parenthood. I mean we all know what I’m talking about here…
…From the moment you wake up, until the moment you lay down at night someone wants you, something has to be finished, or worse started. Have you even eaten? What time is is again?… You have this deadline, your hours are insane, and you have to spend time with these little people, a grown person, cook and bathe. When do you get to just lay here and wait for the world to stop spinning….
Is this familiar to you? Have you asked yourself these questions? Well I don’t mean to spoil anything but this is only the tip of the iceberg. I haven’t even mentioned the best part. Sex!Where? How? When?- Are just a few words or questions that naturally come to mind, based of my own personal experience as a stay at home/work from home mom of more than one child. (not including my husband)
Today I’m going to give some simple tips to help you begin to re energize the connections between you and your spouse or partner.
1. Listen! It really doesn’t get much more simple than that. Communication is absolute key in successful relationships. It is excruciatingly important to feel like you are being heard, whether you care what they are talking about or not you should give them the same attention you would expect when you are speaking to them. When you provide your partner with your full attention you are showing them that you care about what they think and say, whether you agree without or not. This is creating trust between the two of you, bettering the chances that they will return to you with personal things about themselves or within the relationship.
2. Think before you react! When something upsetting comes to you, whether it be a conversation, a situation, or word of mouth, think about what this information means. This about the facts you know to be true, pay attention to how this information makes you feels. How it would make them feel. Basically you want to bring yourself to an outside perspective to get a better feel for the situation at hand. Its always good to have more information, rather than less when you engage in an argument or conversation. Most of the time our trouble comes when we speak too soon. It is easy to withhold, it is not easy to put those words back in after you speak them. So take some time. Tell them you need time!
3. Have SCREEN FREE time. It is too often I find even myself stuck behind my phone screen scrolling endlessly through some social media site. It isn’t until I put my phone down do I realize how long I have spent in other people’s lives. How long I have spent with my own life on pause. So when you have a minute, by all means, check your notifications, but do not get sucked in. Add a timer on your phone. Make a phone basket with a timer. Stop spending so much time liking pictures of others living or pretending to live (like you are now). Put your phone down and have a conversation. Tell you partner what you just told everyone of Facebook. Engage with them they way you do with all of your followers.
4. Live Presently! As above, I’ll continue more specifically. Press play! Yes you read that right! PRESS PLAY ON YOUR LIFE! Look around and do the things you need to do NOW. Talk about the things you want to with your partner, listen to what they want to talk about. Both of you play with your children together. Wash the dishes together. Make it a game. A thing. Kids are occupied eh? Go to the bathroom and lock the door. What I’m saying here is, there is always the “well I have to do this first, or we can do that until this is finished.” Stop with it. Get up and Share the load. Use this time as together time. It will be finished faster and you’re already doing something TOGETHER!!!! You don’t need to wait, if you did that you would never be finished. You would always bee working toward it. So stop. And just be in this moment together. Do what you need, together. Then do what you want together.
5. HAVE SEX AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!!! I KNOW. I KNOW. WHEN? These kids never sleep. They always need someone, something. Its just another excuse! If you did all the things in 1 – 4 then the house is clean. And kids love a clean house more than we do, so that gives you at least 15 minutes. Plenty of time if you’ve been out of the game for a while. Make it totally fun though. Set boobie traps along the way, so when the kids finally come snooping, you know it and you can speed things up or wrap them up. Either way, you are alone with your partner, and that’s a really awesome start to re connecting with them. So you’re on the right track right! Be sexual with them, be naughty and talk dirty to them the way you use to. Maybe reenact one of your first intimate times together. Bring back the new that wore off after years and children together. We aren’t all spring chickens anymore, but we should still be able to have some fun like we are. Rock the boat guys!!
At the end of the day what matters is that you are happy and surrounded by love. Sometimes we spend so much time waiting for things that we forget that all of that can be created by ourselves if we invest our energy into those things. Our relationships with our partners are very important. If you have children, your relationship with your partners are the beginning markers and the foundations for how they understand love to work and what they come to believe a relationship should be. Be mindful of what you are telling/showing them.
On another note if you are unhappy in your current relationship, if you have done everything imaginable to fix your relationship, ask yourself why. Why are you still here? What if by staying in your current situation you are postponing a potential future with your right person, and so is your now partner.
Why open communication is so very important! You want to know the person you are with, and you want them to know you. Knowing someone helps when you are communicating because it allows you to open up and find comfort in and with sharing who you truly are. It is a wonderful thing to be comfortable in your skin, to love and fully value yourself, all my yourself. It is a totally different story to accept yourself so deeply that you allow someone else to see those part of yourself too.
I’ve always been an open book, but I would edit things to an extent. With my husband I know that I can trust him with my darkest thoughts because he already sees that I am more than those thing. I trust that he will understand my weird side, and if he doesn’t we can talk about it and try to understand why he feels that way. There is no wrong to point out, simply feelings and emotions that need to be addressed and visited in more depth and light.
I hope that these tips help you in your relationships. I hope they bring you to better understanding of yourself within your relationship. We are all unique individuals, with our own individual wants and needs, but when we choose to live our lives with someone else we have to learn to work together, in a partnership of sorts. We can assist each other on our journeys, we are all apart of each other’s growth, whether we see it or not. Do not compare your life to another’s. Create the life you want, and be that inspiration to someone else.